Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Missing my son Sam
We had a grief counselor visit at work on Monday. He spoke briefly at the staff meeting we had upon hearing about the death of our co-worker. I thought that I would probably have heard everything he had to say already because I experienced the death of a close c0-worker in October 2002. She died in her early 30s after being sick with cancer for just 3 weeks or so. We had a grief counselor speak then. Maybe the guy on Monday had the same things to say, but I was just ready to hear them in a new way. After all in October 2002 the loss of Sam was only 8 months old. Anyway, this counselor spoke about the phases of grief and how eventually we will visit with our grief and that these visits will be less and less frequent. We won't necessarily know when the visits are going to happen. I have found this to be very true. Part of me thinks it's odd to be still visiting with it now, 8 years later, but the good cry I had yesterday was extremely cathartic and I should probably let those feelings out more often. After all the counselor also said that we never get over a loss, we just integrate it into our lives and move on.
Please don't misunderstand me here. I love my husband and my daughter Emma, my friends and family. I love and appreciate them all and I know that I have a great life, but that doesn't lessen my yearning for my son who cannot be with us on this earth. There, I said it. It's very hard for me to say that "out loud"
For anyone reading this who does not know who Sam is. He is my son who was stillborn on February 14, 2002 at 38 weeks, just a week before my C-section was scheduled.
Thanks for listening and letting me share.